Soporte técnico es definitivamente el infierno

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.

• Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
• Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
• Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
• Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
• Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
• Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."

Pause.

• Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
• Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
• Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
• Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
• Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
• Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
• Customer: "Oh."
• Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
• Customer: "Why?"
• Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
• Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
• Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
• Customer: "Ok."

I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

• Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."

Pause.

• Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled "BANG HEAD HERE."

• Tech Support: "Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?"
• Customer: "I can't get it to do."
• Tech Support: "Excuse me, ma'am?"
• Customer: "I can't get my Internet to do."
• Tech Support: "Let's check your setup."
• Customer: "Okey dokey."
• Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon."
• Customer: "I don't see that one."
• Tech Support: "What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?"
• Customer: "Wood."
• Tech Support: "What's on your screen, ma'am?"
• Customer: "A bunch of names."
• Tech Support: "Like what?"
• Customer: "Bill, George, Larry, Jim."
• Tech Support: "What screen are you on?"
• Customer: "I am on the one I'm on. I need to go get my daughter. She's the computer guru of the family."
• Tech Support: "Great, thank you."
• April: "Hi, I'm April, and you are?"
• Tech Support: "Mike."
• April: "Mike. Cool, dude."
• Tech Support: "Are you at your desktop?"
• April: "You will have to excuse my mother. She's a little dense."
• Tech Support: "No problem."
• April: "How old are you?"
• Tech Support: "300 years old. I'm the 'Highlander.' Um, would you do a double click on the 'My Computer' icon?"
• April: "Sorry, I don't see that one."
• Tech Support: "What do you see?"
• April: "Bill, George, Larry, and Jim."
• Tech Support: "What version of Windows are you using?"
• April: "Ninety-something I guess."
• Tech Support: "Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot."
• April: "Ok...." (pause) "Done."
• Tech Support: "What does your screen say?
• April: "Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper."
• Tech Support: "Just for kicks, do a double click on 'Bill,' and see what happens."
• April: "What is this?"
• Tech Support: "What did it do?"
• April: "It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc."
• Tech Support: "Why was your 'My Computer' icon named Bill?"
• April: "I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?"